Photo: Paramount Photos
February can be the coldest month, especially when it’s February following a particularly hellish year and you haven’t been able to handcuff someone for the season. Or maybe you generally don’t like displays of affection and consumerist bickering. Either way, February, and February 14 in particular, is a busy time, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Feelings are at an all time high, and not all of those feelings are necessarily loving.
Whether it’s attracting a partner or nurturing a relationship, the love bet can be quite terrifying even without the outside pressures of a Hallmark vacation that requires you to scramble to be sweet with a significant other. Rest assured that you are not alone with the Schadenfreude of these terrifying and titillating titles. Picnics and parties have gone bad, lovers who
aren’t what they seem, killer Cupids and misguided dating – Valentine’s Day might seem bad, but it could always be worse.
This February 14, choose your poison, grab some candy and treat yourself. Love is terrifying, after all, just like an annual holiday meant to celebrate it publicly. You might as well embrace the horror of the season.
In the 1900s, in Victoria, Australia, a group of students and two teachers from a private girls’ school walked to a geological formation known as Hanging Rock. It’s Valentine’s Day and this collection of women are hoping to enjoy a leisurely picnic near the rock formation. Instead, three students and an instructor disappear after a bizarre and disturbing trance at the top of the boulder.
Based on Joan Lindsay’s 1967 book, which had intentionally kept the veracity of the story ambiguous, Picnic at Hanging Rock has that feeling maybe true, keeping the goosebumps at an all time high throughout its execution. (Available on HBO Max.)
Quentin Tarantino’s favorite slasher, My dear love takes Valentine’s Day underground. Literally. After two inattentive supervisors leave a group of miners trapped underground following a methane explosion at a Valentine’s Day dance, a miner must cannibalize his fallen comrades to survive until he be released from the well – a week later. Driven insane, the miner engages in some understandable sort of rampage the following Valentine’s Day, to dissuade the mining town from having a Valentine’s Day dance again.
Fast forward 20 years: The mayor tries to re-establish a Valentine’s Day dance only to make the murder start again. (Available on CBS All Access.)
There is a perfect person for everyone, unless that person is dead. Next, you need to rebuild a body using your deceased lover’s heart as the centerpiece. This is the plot of Re-AnimatorFollowing, Re-animator bride. Released on Valentine’s Day, Re-animator bride follows Herbert West in his attempt to create the perfect woman – out of corpses. Taking advantage of grief-stricken Dan Cain, whose fiancee met his untimely demise in the first Re-Animator episode, West begins tinkering with limbs and ligaments in this comedic reimagining of Frankenstein’s Bride. Prepare for heads to fall. (Available on Shudder and Amazon prime.)
Release February 14 Thesilenceofthelambs isn’t your typical Valentine’s Day movie – the romance is one-sided (Hannibal Lecter has a crush on Agent Starling, who just wants to save a woman from being flayed) and there’s a body count – but it reminds us of the dangers of coveting and being coveted. And those are two important lessons for this particular holiday. In short, don’t be jealous of couples in love, and don’t scroll through your relationship on social media to upset singles – have an old friend for dinner instead. (Broadcast on Showtime.)
Director of Urban legend Jamie Blanks takes the pillars of the ’90s and early days of Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Marley Shelton, Jessica Capshaw and Katherine Heigl and asks, “What if a guy wearing a Cupid mask started killing students on St. Valentine? And then gave us … exactly that.
Critics criticized this one for being too similar to ’80s slashers (like that’s a bad thing?) To be. (Available for rent on Amazon.)
Do you ever feel like you and your partner are stuck in a loop, doing the same thing day in and day out? Did you feel this even before 2020?
Following Happy day of the dead, released on Valentine’s Day, shows what it could be like if you were trapped in an alternate universe where your partner is with someone else and you have to keep dying to avoid seeing your loved ones fall apart. assassinate. This one will make you appreciate what you have. Or grateful for what you don’t have: the obligation to constantly sacrifice yourself for someone else. Either way, this sci-fi horror comedy is a fun and violent getaway. (Available for rent on Amazon.)
Although it appears to have been made in the psychedelic 60s (it’s a loving tribute, filmed in 35mm Technicolor), The witch of love is a modern story about a modern woman in search of love – leaving bodies in her wake. Director Anna Biller skillfully combines feminine fantasy with the trope of
fatal Woman. This is the movie to watch if you are single and need to remind yourself that being alone is better than being dead. Or if you’re in a relationship and want to give your partner a toxic warning. (Available on Shudder.)
Vacation-Themed Horror Anthology Series from Blumhouse Productions In the dark posted the Valentine’s Day entries Down and My Valentine, each a year apart and each with a different version of the February 14 horrors.
Down focuses on a cute encounter turned spooky when two employees in the same office building, but working on different floors, find themselves trapped in a faulty elevator on weekend eve – and on Valentine’s Day. Yes, that means it’s just Friday the 13th. And while it seems like love is blossoming, everything changes pretty quickly.
My Valentine also explores a trapped woman with a love interest, but this time it’s an old love interest and his new girlfriend. Instead of an elevator, a small concert hall acts as a confined space where the trio dig through old emotional wounds that soon turn into more literal wounds. (Available on Hulu.)